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Virelay for Barthes & You

by NinaLara 

Posted: 12 May 2006
Word Count: 90
Summary: I've read the rules now! Hope this is better.


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After his Motherís body died
Roland Barthes
resolved a piece of her survived
in one photograph.

He hunted til he found his paper raft
to clutch,
to rock him through her aftermath,
robbed of touch.

Compulsed@2006, stuck in my hutch
of microchips,
I view pics of you, too much
for cyber kicks.

I surf and click the perfect clip
entirely you:
gentle shrug, quick tendering lip
I fully knew

Your rabbit gaze pops up on cue:
a photograph.
My virtual touch downloads twelve years. Fuse new
I hear you laugh.







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Comments by other Members



paul53 [for I am he] at 07:38 on 12 May 2006  Report this post
There's a refreshing vibrancy in both your pieces, like someone who has weathered all that life has brought, yet remains cheerfully optomistic. Foster this.

Nell at 14:16 on 12 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Nina,

This rocks! A wonderfully creative use of language and an original and (to echo Foriam) refreshing and contemporary voice. A great response to the exercise.

Nell.

DJC at 18:20 on 12 May 2006  Report this post
Nina,

I love the idea of bringing Barthes into this piece - it lends it real detail and authenticity. And you stick to the rhyme scheme! Good work.

D.

NinaLara at 19:38 on 12 May 2006  Report this post
Thank you Foriam, Nell and Darren!
I really enjoyed doing this - I seem to respond well to being given a bit of structure (perhaps I'll review my ideas of liberal parenting). I'm not a natural rhymer so it was a real challenge.

joanie at 21:11 on 12 May 2006  Report this post
Nina, I just love this! The form is excellent but I really enjoyed the sentiments in this too.
his paper raft
to clutch

I surf and click the perfect clip
entirely you


are brilliant! Well done.

joanie


NinaLara at 12:59 on 13 May 2006  Report this post
Thank you so much Joanie!

Xenny at 22:57 on 15 May 2006  Report this post
Hey Nina

Welcome! Sorry I'm so slow to respond. I read both this and your other one and intended to write something ages ago. I like this one the most but I think they're both brilliant! There's a real life in your writing - it's excellent, and just what I like most in poetry. I really can't wait to read more.

Xenny


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